The 4 Weapons You Can Use To Destabilize a Person Who Wants To Dominate You
Never let a dominant person take over.
You have probably already been confronted with individuals who try to establish a power relationship with you. These are naturally dominant people. They feel best when they are on the offensive. Generally, these people are very effective, because they are not easily destabilized.
They know how to react to classic attacks. If you rush headlong into a situation with this type of person, you will lose for sure.
Your best weapon in a situation where someone is trying to dominate you is not defense, but attack. You must directly counter-attack to avoid being subjected to this. To do this, I will explain the 4 ways to proceed through 4 concrete sentences.
Defuse attempts to dominate
People who like to dominate will try to establish a power relationship from the first contact. This often happens in a non-verbal way. The handshake is often used for this purpose by those who want to dominate others.
These people will tap your hand as they shake. They may also attempt to place their arm around your shoulder in a deceptively friendly manner.
The main mistake would be to overreact. The person who wants to dominate you would take the opportunity to ridicule you and make you appear nervous.
You need to defuse these attempts to dominate in two stages:
Be calm by signaling to the other person that you are not going to let this happen. If the person puts their arm around you, I urge you to do the same with a big smile and a pat on the arm. In most cases, your good intentions will be enough to defuse the situation.
It doesn't always work. In this case, you need to use a phrase like, “Tell me, you're extremely tactile today”. This will throw off the person in front of you.
In all cases, your response should be based on the following principles: politeness, firmness, and humor.
Don't be given an ultimatum
You have probably experienced a situation where someone tries to dominate you by forcing you to make a quick decision. This can happen in your relationship or the workplace. You are faced with someone who gives you an ultimatum.
A good example is when a recruiter in a company offers you a job and forces you to respond immediately or the offer will be void.
You have all experienced this at least once in your life.
If you do not react, you will be taken by surprise. In fact, it is the person in front of you who has defined the rules of the game by setting the two options you have. In reality, there are of course other options, but they have been consciously excluded by the person who wants to dominate you.
Your best bet for regaining the upper hand is not to give a hasty answer. By doing so, you would be playing into the hands of the person who has set the ultimatum. If it's a recruiter, you can say this:
"I thank you for offering me this superb opportunity. I'll study it all at my leisure, and get back to you without fail tomorrow during the day."
If the person continues to insist, you will have to show your determination not to give in. At this point, look them in the eye and say the following:
"I absolutely understand where you're coming from, but I always give myself time to properly evaluate opportunities as important as this one. I'll get back to you tomorrow, and I'd be happy to discuss it with you then."
By doing this, you are giving yourself time. Then you will set the boundaries for all future interactions with that person.
Don't let any insinuation pass
A person may try to dominate you by throwing more or less pernicious insinuations against you. You should obviously not let them pass. The first thing to do is to show that you have understood the insinuation and say that you intend to respond to it.
In political debates, this is something you see frequently.
The best response is to start with humor and say:
"I do believe this attack is for me."
This will first show that you have a good sense of humor. Then, it will be up to you to dismantle the attack.
Another type of response that works to dismantle the insinuations of someone who is trying to dominate you is to use a rhetorical device called apophasis or paralipsis. This involves responding to the attack like this:
"I'm not going to tell you ... because I'm not interested."
You will talk about something after announcing that you will not talk about it. This figure of speech is extremely effective when dealing with someone who is trying to dominate you. It opens the door to a counter-attack while allowing you to gain some perspective.
You will be perceived as someone who is above the debate, which is excellent for your image.
Make a fool of the other
Sometimes you will be confronted by people who will attack you head-on, for example by asking you incriminating questions. A good way to answer to counter-attack directly is to use the following formula:
"If you had realized how ridiculous what you just said was, you never would have said it."
This closes the parenthesis opened by the person attacking you. Then you can move on directly without even having to waste time responding to the other person on the subject.
Final Thoughts
The first point when you are in a situation with potentially dominant people is to ask yourself this question:
Is the situation an attempt at frontal domination or not?
The answer to this question will help you choose the tools you want to use. In the case of non-frontal domination, you broadcast with politeness while remaining firm.
In the case of frontal domination, you give the person attacking you a chance to back off by using humor first. If the person doesn't understand, then it's time for you to counterattack using one of the four weapons I just presented.