Speech Is Silver, Silence Is Golden – Become a Great Listener With These 10 Tips
Listening is an essential skill that too many people underestimate.
We all seek our share of light in this world. And that is a natural thing. However, some will do it the right way, while others will do it by trying to crush others to show their superiority over and over again.
I don't know about you, but I always come across people who spend their time trying to monopolize the floor to get attention. These people want to be the center of everything all the time.
I suppose you have already met this type of person in your professional or private life. Each time, you must have had an unpleasant impression with these people. Something like, “When is he or she going to finally stop talking and listen to others?”
Indeed, contrary to what these people seem to believe, the saying “Speech is Silver, Silence is Golden” is not just a string of meaningless words. I am convinced that you have much more to gain in your life by listening to others than what you will speak.
People who know how to listen are usually better recognized and appreciated, which ultimately gives them more opportunities. Since not everyone is an innately great listener, I'm going to present you with 10 tips to improve your abilities in this essential area of listening.
Use Reflection
A good technique to use to let the person talking to you know that you understand what they are saying is to paraphrase what they are saying. You will show them that you are getting into the conversation. As with any technique, it must be used sparingly so as not to overuse it.
Otherwise, the effect could become negative. It is up to you to know how to gauge the use of the power of reflection.
Ask open questions
When you are listening to someone, there are always times when you will have to step in to extend the discussion. Times when you will have to ask questions. These questions should preferably be open-ended. Avoid closed-ended questions or yes/no answers that would break the flow of the conversation.
The goal here is to keep the other person talking so that they realize that what they are telling you is of great interest to you. Guaranteed effect.
Reinforce by validating what the others say
The person telling you their story will need reinforcement from you to continue talking in a flowing manner with you. By occasionally validating what the other person is telling you, you will show them that you understand. You will build the trust that will turn you into a great listener.
Again, don't overdo it. Do it at the appropriate times so that it carries weight.
Use simple words to encourage others to continue speaking
In addition to validating what the other person is telling you with more complete sentences, you can use simple words more frequently: okay, uh-huh, I know, ...
These simple words will show that you expect the other person to follow up. This will make them feel comfortable to continue talking. A great listener must interact in a discreet but frequent way. Otherwise, the speaker will feel as if he or she has lost you, which will damage his or her perception of you.
Use the speaker’s name
Valuing the speaker should be a goal when listening to someone speak. To do this, using their first name as often as possible is key. Since few people do this, it will appeal to the person you are talking to and they will be happy to see you use their first name.
I know many people have trouble doing this, but it is a must if you want to be perceived as a great listener.
Your facial expressions must express interest, empathy, and curiosity
The previous tips were verbal signs. In addition to these signs, non-verbal signs are important to master. These are behaviors that you will adopt to show the other person that you are paying attention to what they are saying.
The first thing I would advise you to do is to use your facial expressions to express your interest in what the other person is saying as you listen. Show empathy and curiosity with the wide range of expressions at your disposal.
Since this is not something you are born with, you will need to work on this area by trying to improve it regularly.
Make a head-nodding from time to time
In the panoply of non-verbal signs that show your interlocutor that you are paying attention to what he or she is telling you, there is the head nod. This is an interesting weapon that you should not abuse. It's all a question of timing. You must place your nods at strategic moments.
Your body posture speaks for you
Your body language is also important. You need to orient your position to show that you are open. Don't cross your arms when listening to the other person. This is the worst body message to send: it would indicate that you are not receptive.
Don't gesticulate back and forth either. Stay steady in front of the other person.
Maintain eye contact
This advice is difficult for most people to apply. You may have already noticed that most people have trouble maintaining eye contact when they are talking. Yet it is one of the most important signs that you care about each other. Use this weapon that few have mastered to your advantage.
Don't get distracted by what's going on around you, and stay in eye contact with the speaker. This will only strengthen your exchange.
Silence is your best weapon
Finally, to stay on topic: silence is golden. Be silent as much as possible when you are in the listening mode to value the other person's word. Stay calm and don't interrupt the other person so that they are finished with what they had to say. Also, don't show that you are in a hurry to get out of the conversation.
A great listener listens to the end of what the other person has to say. It's up to you to implement these tips to become a great listener. Someone who knows how to make himself appreciated by the place he gives to others. You will also find that being a good listener will change your perception of the world by giving you more opportunities to say things that make a difference.
The second positive effect of being a great listener. But you'll find that out in time.